Harry Potter and the Magical Pickup Lines
by RoastedGrover
Summary: Harry and Draco meet at a pub, and much hilarity ensues. Harry/Draco slash.


**Author's Note:** Just a short, (hopefully) humourous fic to get the plot bunnies going for my current WIP, "How Draco Malfoy Learned to Fall in Love". Virtually everything here was stolen from various Facebook groups (one of which shares its name with this fic) and random blogs, so I take credit for none of that. Furthermore, JKR is the creator of all characters and situations herein, and I lay claim to none of those, as much as I would like to do so. Of course, tea with either her or Alan Rickman would be pleasant.

This fic takes place at some nondescript and indeterminate point considerably after the events of the seventh book. It's not really important, just know that they're well into adulthood. Assume that they've made their peace post-Wizarding War and have actually grown to be –gasp! – friends.

_Harry Potter and the Magical Pick-Up Lines_

'Hullo, Draco,' Harry greeted, hanging up his long leather coat on the hook behind him and seating himself in the chair opposite Draco. The two were in a Muggle pub, within earshot of the long bar that stretched the length of the building.

'Harry,' Draco replied with a curt nod of his head. 'How are you?'

'I'm fine, thank you. How are you?'

'About the same,' Draco replied. 'Can't complain, that's for certain.'

'Glad to hear it,' Harry replied. 'And work is going well?'

Draco nodded. 'Yours too?'

'Yes.'

The two engaged in idle chatter until all of a sudden, a very large, very boisterous, very drunk man (who Harry privately thought faintly resembled what Vernon Dursley might have looked like at a younger age) holding a bottle of lager sloppily sidled up to a petite brunette sitting at the bar.

'Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?' he slurred to the brunette.

The young woman, who could clearly hold her own and reminded Draco a little bit of Ginny Weasley – minus the ferocious magical ability – coolly retorted, 'Walk by again. Only this time, keep walking.'

Vernon Jr. was clearly very taken aback by the woman's sharp wit, and stumbled away stupidly (presumably to find an easier target). Draco and Harry couldn't help but hoot a little bit and laugh at the man's misfortune.

'Do people actually still think that works?' Harry wondered. 'It really never does.'

'Oh, you've tried?' jested Draco good-naturedly.

A faint blush crept onto the edges of Harry's face. He refused to answer, favouring instead to take a sip of the bottle of ale in front of him.

'You have!' Draco cried with glee. 'Come on then, let's hear a few pick-up lines from you.'

'Well, I only know a few,' Harry admitted. 'But I'll tell you the ones I know on one condition: You tell me all the ones you know.'

'Fine,' Draco agreed without contest. 'You first.'

Harry sat for a moment, trying to recall a line. 'Oh, okay. Here we go: You know Platform 9 ¾?' Draco nodded. 'Well, I know something else with exactly the same measurements.' Here Harry waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Draco couldn't help but groan. 'Cocky, are we, Potter?'

'Well, that was sort of the point,' Harry said, and Draco conceded with a chuckle. 'Your turn.'

Draco thought for a second. 'You know, when I said "_Accio_ hottie!" I didn't think it would actually work!'

Harry laughed at this one. 'That's actually pretty good,' he admitted. 'I'll show you my Basilisk if you show me your Chamber of Secrets.'

Not missing a beat, Draco retorted, 'Want to find out how Moaning Myrtle got her name?'

'I don't have an Invisibility Cloak, but could I visit your Restricted Section anyway?'

'Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?'

'Want to tame my Hungarian Horntail?'

'Hey baby, mind if I Slytherin?' Draco asked in his most innocent – yet suggestive – voice ever.

Harry winced at this one a little bit. 'That's terrible,' he groaned. 'Could you for once let go of the Slytherin Ice Prince charade?'

'No,' Draco replied in mock defiance. 'I'll have you know that I am very proud of being a Slytherin.'

'Well, in that case you should know that I was Sorted into Gryffindor because I, like Godric Gryffindor himself, have a very impressive sword.'

Draco choked on his beer. 'And you gave me crap for my "Slytherin" line?'

Harry shrugged and smiled. 'Did you just Petrify me? Because baby, you made me stiff.'

Not about to be bested, Draco said, 'Do you have a Harry Potter?'

Harry could only gape. 'There's a _pick-up line_ with my _name_ in it?!' He wasn't sure whether to be flattered, embarrassed, or angry. As he let the line sink in a little, he added, 'And what's that even supposed to _mean_?'

Draco shrugged. 'I'm not really sure, to be honest. Have you any more?'

Harry frowned in thought, and then had an idea. 'Sure…You must be a Horcrux, because you've got a part of my soul.'

'Well, in that case, then let's make some magic. My wand is at the ready...it's ten inches, you know, and solid wood.'

'Only ten?' Harry teased. 'Mine's eleven.'

Draco scowled a little bit. 'Well, I have no more,' he confessed, upending the bottle and downing the remainder of its contents.

'I've got one more,' Harry said quietly. 'Only…well…this time, pretend it's not part of the game.'

Draco was suddenly very intrigued, and a little nervous because of Harry's preamble.

Harry cleared his throat and stared down at his hands. 'When I produce a Patronus, you're my happy thought.'

Something about the way Harry said that sentence told Draco that he was actually telling the truth. Draco's eyes widened when he realised the implications of that revelation. Harry looked up into Draco's eyes and suddenly his face flushed with embarrassment.

'Sorry, Draco…just forget I said that,' Harry requested, mortification evident in his voice.

'Why?' Draco asked. Ever the bold one, he declared, 'I'll have you know that I've been whomping my willow thinking about you.'

Harry's eyes brightened and a grin stole its way across his face. 'Really?'

Draco nodded in confirmation. 'Really.' He laid a hand over Harry's. 'Now what do you say we make for the Shrieking Shack and give it a new reason for its name?' He stood up and nodded his head toward the door, a mischievous smile on his lips.

Harry pulled out his wallet, left a few notes on the table, and stood up to join Draco. As the two left the pub, Harry chuckled to himself a little bit.

'Who said pick-up lines didn't work?'

**Author's Note:** Review or I'll sic Mrs. Weasley on you. :)


End file.
